Give Yourself Small Acts of Kindness Each and Every Day- #10 Advice
I recently took a road trip with my childhood bestie. We were discussing some of the highlights of our trip when we ran into some bad weather. Lighting was bolting down all around us and then heavy rain descended.
It was so hard to see that other vehicles were pulling off to the side of the road. I slowed way down and kept driving with very weak visibility. Then out of nowhere, a semi-truck zoomed by us, and for about 5 seconds I had zero visibility. I literally could not see anything.
Those 5 seconds seemed like a lifetime. All I could do was hold my steering wheel straight and hope for the best. I had no idea what our fate would be. It was so fast and furious. Once I could see again I took a deep breath and just stated the obvious to my friend of how grateful I was that we were alive.
As I reflected on that short moment in time when I had no visual of where I was going, it occurred to me that it was an analogy to what it feels like when you are given a life-changing diagnosis of your child and many other moments on the journey of autism.
That is how I felt when I first was given the autism diagnosis for my son Joseph. I have also felt this way many other times on my personal journey as a mother guide. There have been times when I had no vision and only fear.
No matter where you are on your autism parenting journey, you will be able to move through moments of zero visibility and fear. I have found that simply showing yourself kindness each and every day will help you move forward.
Without loving kindness, you could lose your mother guide superhero powers quickly and suffer more greatly. Your energy is more than likely low, due to stress and the daily overwhelm. It is essential to offer yourself small acts of kindness each and every day.
A recent study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that kids can tell when parents try to hide or suppress their stress. (Waters et al, 2020)
In this study, the researchers found that when parents tried to suppress or hide their stress from their children, the interaction between parents and children was less warm and parents and children were less engaged with each other. This can increase stress in their children.
This is important information not only for all parents but especially mother guides. I know from my own personal experience that when I tried to hide my pain, overwhelm, and stress, it did increase stress and anxiety in our family dynamic.
When I reflect back on that stressful time of finding therapies, finances, working, and taking care of everyone else before myself, I realize that I was not fun to be around and I spun in a stress cycle.
When you are at the level of stress, you will lose sight of not only your next steps but also yourself.
I was in the mentality of living my “to-do list.” My goal was to get as much checked off as I possibly could in a day.
I did not stop to truly engage and be present with my son. I took care of his needs, took him to the park, and documented our therapies but I was not present emotionally. My energy was filled with stress and anxiety. I know that my stressful energy affected my son in a way that also caused him to feel stressed.
I didn’t have the simple tools in my emotional toolbox to manage my stress that I have today. The key is to find tools that fit you and your lifestyle.
As you build your toolbox, add this one and notice yourself becoming less stressed and more present in your daily life.
Small Act Of Kindness Each and Every Day:
Step One: Take 3 deep breaths in a row.
Step Two: Find a quiet safe space.
Step Three: Put one hand on your heart and one hand on your stomach or solar plexus area.
Step Four: Ask yourself what you need at that moment to give yourself comfort and kindness.
Step Five: Don’t judge it. If it feels too big, make it smaller until your act of self-kindness feels good to you. Now go do it and enjoy the comfort it brings to you.
I look forward to my small act of kindness each and every day. At first, I struggled a bit to find it but now it is a daily tool and I find it in an instant. I also have added more than one act of kindness to my day. You can add as many as you like to your day. There are no rules to this simple tool. The more acts of kindness that you do for yourself, the better.
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The days following hearing the words “Joseph is autistic,” were some of my darkest days. I was living with the deepest pain I had felt in my 32 years of life. It was my first life tsunami. I didn’t know the way out to find the light. It felt like instantly being lost and not knowing which way to go.