Crush Your Fear - #6 Advice
In the early years of my autism parenting journey, fear was rampant in my life. Over the years, I slowly learned to manage my fear.
Do I still have moments when I worry about Joseph? You bet! My son is 30 years old and I still have what I refer to as “crazy monkeys.”
Crazy monkeys are fear—one of the biggest energy suckers that a mother guide battles each and every day.
There’s hardly anything we don’t worry about and fear:
What will happen if…what will he do if…what if…what if?
As soon as I was brave enough to look forward to my son’s new projected future, I felt only fear. I didn’t want my son to suffer and to be living alone without me one day. I feared he would be living a life under the care of someone who didn’t love or want him.
What will happen to my son when I am gone?
I frequently told myself, “You cannot die until Joseph’s future is taken care of.”
That was a fact, a truth for me. I really didn’t have any emotion attached to that thought. It just was, and then I moved on to my next task of the day.
I now believe, looking back to that time, that making that statement was my numbing way to deal with fear. The truth is, I had no control over whether our future would work out as I planned it. I literally was doing all I could to just survive. I carried the fear with me each and every day.
Carrying my fear felt like lugging a bag of rocks on my back.
Even with this heavy load, I expected myself to live as if I wasn’t weighted down. I got used to dragging fear around with me. I rarely paid any attention to it, or how the stress of each day slowly caused my body to become weaker. I was oblivious to my exhaustion. Sure, I was tired, but so was every other mom I knew.
As Joseph got older, I became more certain that one day he would be able to live independently. I wasn’t sure when but I could see that he would. I knew this was a good thing but I still felt some huge regrets.
I wished that I could have known that he would be able to care for himself when he was first diagnosed. I was so focused on finding therapies that I missed some of the precious moments along the way.
Yes, it’s understandable that I would be spending my energy on finding ways to help my son, but what if I could have done this without the huge energy sucker called fear? If I would have had the tools to manage my fear, perhaps I would have been a bit more present.
Fear is an inherent part of the autism journey. When I think about what fear really means, it gives me insight as to why any mother guide would carry it around each day. It’s a belief that something terrible will happen; it’s an emotion that scares and intimidates us. To live with fear is exhausting.
How to Crush the Crazy Monkeys of Fear:
Step 1.
Ask yourself this question: If I could remove fear, how would I live my life differently? Take some time and journal about how you would live differently if you could remove your fear.
This question will help you shift from fear to living with more peace and joy. Take your time answering this question.
Step 2.
Answer this question: If I could remove fear, how would I view my child and their future?
Take some time and journal about how you would view your child once fear is removed.
This question will also create a shift for you to view the same life you were living before you answered this question, but it will give you a fresh view of living without fear.
My hunch is that you will feel lighter living in the possibility that fear can't knock you down.
My hope is that you will continue to ask yourself these 2 questions when you feel deep fear rushing in.
If you would like to go deeper in crushing your crazy monkeys you can get A Mother’s Guide Through Autism book and do the exercises in Chapter 7: The Crazy Monkeys of Fear.
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The days following hearing the words “Joseph is autistic,” were some of my darkest days. I was living with the deepest pain I had felt in my 32 years of life. It was my first life tsunami. I didn’t know the way out to find the light. It felt like instantly being lost and not knowing which way to go.